pansexuality test!

at last!  a handy, totally reliable, well-researched test to separate the pansexuals from the non-pansexuals!  i know you want it cuz you keep fucking googling it, so here it is.  you’re welcome.

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1) do you identify as pansexual?

2) do you experience attraction to people of all genders (binary and nonbinary) and/or experience attraction to people regardless of gender?

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if you answered “yes” to both questions, you’re pansexual.

if you answered “yes” to #1, you’re pansexual.  if you answered “no” to #1, you’re not pansexual.  pretty simple.

“yes” to #2 means you’re probably some sort of multisexual (umbrella term pansexuality falls under), but you could be bisexual, polysexual, pansexual etc.  it’s up to you, cat.

if you answered “yes” to #1 but “no” to #2, i don’t know what to tell you.  i’m not going to police your sexuality, but i’m not familiar with your flavor of pansexuality.  maybe school me?

if you answered “no” to both questions, you’re not pansexual and you know it.  you’re still fucking rad, though.  cupcakes for everyone!

the moral of the story is you own your sexuality and you get to name it.  yay!

(and how fucking silly is it that i even made this “test?”  people keep finding my blog by googling “pansexuality test” so i made one.  and now i feel silly.  seriously, do you cats think this “test” is un-police-y enough?  or should it just consist of question #1?)

stuff pansexuals need to know

10 panphobic myths

fuck NO, pan problems!

 

reader questions about attraction

edit: i bet you’re wondering why i called this post “pansexual attraction.”  yeah, me too.  i think i was working on another post at the same time that was actually about pansexual attraction, but i got mixed up and misnamed this post.  really, this post is about attraction in general.  sorry about that, cats!

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one of my totally wicked readers sent me some really good questions and i answered them as best i could.  i figured i’d better share our conversation with you neon cats just in case other people have similar questions and/or folks have stuff to add to the conversation.

I read your article about pansexualism and I had some questions. You said that if you say you’re sexually attracted to ‘men, women and trans’ that’s cissexist. But what if you’re a heterosexual man who is just not attracted to any kind of genitals other than a vulva, and any other kind of person than somebody that identifies as a woman? Or what if you are bisexual, but you only are attracted to people with penises that identify as men or people with vulvas that identify as women? Can you really help what kind of genitals you are attracted to, and what you like your ideal person to look like? I think saying that you’re attracted to transpeople makes it sound like you don’t consider them to be male/female, especially if they are binary identifying trans people, I just wonder about bisexuals and heterosexuals and homosexuals that only are attracted to people whose genitals match their identified gender. I guess, can you be attracted to a certain sex of person and a certain gender? I don’t really know.

Also I read your post about the tits and the pumpkins and I totally always buy the last thing in the discount bin because I don’t want it to feel lonely. Just thinking about it kinda makes me teary eyes.

I’m also very sorry if I was offensive, I’m just learning. That’s no excuse, but it’s the truth, and I’ve combed through it trying to get rid of offensive language.

–anonymous

hi!  i love questions!

the problem with saying you’re attracted to “men, women, and trans* people” is that you’re placing all trans* people outside “men” and “women.”  this sucks because some trans* people ARE men or women; they don’t need any well-meaning pansexuals to erase their existence.  society already tells trans* men and trans* women they aren’t “real” men/women and that they’re “really” the gender they were designated at birth; and they don’t need any more of that kind of thing.  i think you already know this, but i want to make sure we’re on the same page.

moving on.  by definition, a heterosexual guy is a (cis or trans*) guy who only experiences attraction to women.  he may experience attraction to some bodies/genitals but not to others, but that doesn’t impact his heterosexuality.  so a straight guy who only likes vulvae is no more straight than a straight guy who likes all sorts of genitals.  as long as he’s only really attracted to (cis and/or trans*) women, he’s heterosexual.

same thing goes for the bisexual person you describe; they’re no more or less bi than a bisexual person who’s attracted to people with all sorts of genitals.

the other thing to remember is that lots of trans* people get bottom surgery and, in many cases, are thereafter indistinguishable from cis folks.  that means that a straight guy, for instance, who only likes women with vulvae may experience attraction to trans* women with vulvae as well as to cis women with vulvae.  if the mere fact of transness is a problem for this hypothetical guy, he’s kinda cissexist/transmisogynist.  however, if he really just likes (cis/trans*) women with vulvae– cool.

so, yes, it’s totally ok to only be attracted to certain genital configurations; it’s a healthy part of some people’s sexuality.  i’m going to include some relevant reading: the “ethical” imperative of disclosure and the question of fetishization.  they’re both natalie reed articles that discuss trans* bodies, attraction, and all sorts of interesting stuff.  you may have already read them, but i thought you might like them.  also, attraction down the privilege gradient by lisa millbank is kinda relevant.  it discusses how our attractions don’t develop in a vacuum, but are informed by our social/political climate.  anyway.  just in case you love reading.  <3

your message isn’t offensive at all!  i’m really not very uptight about stuff like that (though i think i know why so many people think i am).  we all mess up (me, too!) and i think it’s important to call each other out so we can learn from our mistakes.  that’s all.  no public shaming or stoning or anything like that.  :)

thanks for asking and please lemme know if you have any more questions or if i didn’t answer these questions well enough.  stay splendid!

splendidly,
mx. punk <3

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any thoughts, readers?  how’d i do?  any further advice for the asker?

queer dinosaur in space!

queer t-rex on the moon with rainbows.  that is all.

fuck NO, pan problems!

[CONTENT WARNING: cissexism, rape, violence]

i found this graphic on tumblr and i want to talk about it.  i get that the op was probably trying to be positive, but i have a few issues with this pic.  i shall now present them to you in no particular order because ranking shit is too hard for my brain.

1. the word “love”  -  we’re talking about (sexual/romantic) attraction here, not just love.  in this case, i think “love” comes off as a euphemism for “some combination of attraction, sex, love, and/or affection.”  personally, i think euphemisms are half-assed and useless unless you’re trying to avoid triggers (avoiding triggers = awesome).

(i don’t think “attraction” is generally a triggering word, but please lemme know if i’m just eating my foot, here.  cuz i’m good at changing my ways.)

2. the word “shouldn’t”  -  seriously, i know this is just a little graphic and it’s probably supposed to be cute and/or inspirational, but don’t tell me what my “love” should or should not be based on.  unless i’m fetishizing a group of people and/or behaving in a problematic way, you don’t get to do that.

like, is it ok if i’m only attracted to people who think consent is sexy?  “should” i “love” anti-consent people cuz the “love” police say so?  didn’t think so.  i think “shouldn’t” is kinda a shitty word to use in a graphic like this.

3. “…something as trivial as gender” - gender isn’t trivial.  people are marginalized based on gender. people are killed based on gender.  people are raped based on gender.  people are basically shat on based on gender.  that shit isn’t trivial.  you can’t say gender is trivial unless you’re ignoring the dynamics of gender-based privilege and oppression.

i’d also like to point out that as a trans* person, my gender is pretty fucking important to me in ways cis people often take for granted.  here’s an excerpt from a post i wrote about genderblindness recently:

i fight every day to take up space as a person of my gender.  i come out to strangers on the fly CONSTANTLY (cuz it’s in my self-respect policy).  i end up holding in my piss for hours cuz i can’t find a non-gendered bathroom.  i have to avoid restaurants without non-gendered bathrooms.  i have to avoid clothing stores without non-gendered change rooms.  strangers feel entitled to tell me i’m gross when i come out as trans*.  i have to lie to the government on official forms, and my partner and i are estranged from his side of the family– so i reallyreally hope you aren’t telling me you think my gender is unimportant.  read more.

and that’s just me.  other trans* folks, especially dmab trans* poc, live in fear of serious violence and murder.  this is serious shit.

4.  the notion that pansexuals don’t experience attraction based on gender - maybe YOU don’t experience attraction based on gender, but i do and so do some other pan people.  sometimes gender is a factor in pansexuality and sometimes it isn’t.  there are a shit-ton of ways to experience pansexuality.  start respecting the diversity, please.  thanks.

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i guess i wanted to write about this graphic because it’s more than just a silly picture on tumblr.  to me, it represents attitudes common among internet pansexuals.  these are serious problems and i think we need to talk about them.

thoughts?

the search term post: every blogger has to write at least one of these

some bloggers like to tell their readers about their most awesome search engine terms every month, but i’ve been saving mine up since i started blogging over a year ago.  i’ve been compiling a list of my favorite search terms all this time– and now i’m gonna share ‘em with you.  yay!

first, though, i’d like to thank all the intrepid internaughts who made this totally ridiculous list possible.  yay for you!  (seriously, yay!)

(to be totally clear, these are search terms that led peoples to my splendid blog-space.)

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i don’t believe in abelism

rad!  cuz your disbelief in ableism magically makes ableism DISAPPEAR!  no doubt, pwd throughout the galaxy will hail you as a hero.

photo scaly man

i assume you’re talking about warren, the famed half-fish superhero.  yeah, i know that cat.  conveniently, he just commissioned a portrait:

look no pants ass

just a random ass for ya.  without pants.  also without legs cuz i suck at drawing.  the background is blue cuz, well, the sunny days with blue skies are the best days for streaking, imo.

how to talk to a pansexual

use small words in small word-strings.  we suck with word-stuffs.

i’m awesome ninja!

me, too!

what does a pansexual’s brain look like?

like rainbow jar cakes.  that’s why we’re so weird; people keep mistaking our brains for delicious snacks and EATING them.  in turn, this makes us want to eat other people’s brains in order to regain cephalization.

what to do if you’re pansexual

start eating other people’s brains and smearing glitter all over your body!

boys men end cock 10 inges fucks end gay men

what does “inges” mean?  is it some sex slang term i’ve never heard of?  is it a sex toy?  also, how young are these boys you’re searching for?  cuz if they’re under 18, you can fuck the fuck off.

pansexualism interesting facts

we’re all ninjas.  there’s an interesting fact for ya.  also, our brains look like rainbow jar cakes.

christmas gifts genderqueer pink

no pink, please.  some fishnets and a plaid shirt would be rad gifts, though.  and some acrylic paints; mine are running out.  also, food stamps would rock neoncore.

pansexual the only valid identity

really?!  somebody should probably tell the gay/bi/straight/ace etc. people!  alert the media!  (seriously, though.  what planet are you from and can i go there on vacation?)

pansexuals have taken over

and now everyone must engage in a worldwide bondage/sex riot!  huzzah!

genitals shoes

wash the shoes before combining those 2 items, k?

do pansexuals fuck toasters?

no, silly!  we only fuck pans.  however, we DO tend to discriminate against non-stick pans cuz we don’t want to get teflon on/in our glistening junk.  lube works better, anyway; we like a little friction.

non-binary trans people everywhere

non-binary trans* folks have joined forces with pansexual folks to take over the world; of COURSE we’re everywhere.  and why?!  cuz we share the dream of a worldwide bondage/sex riot!

why so many pansexuals

because we’ve taken over, remember?  and we’re going to have a worldwide bondage/sex riot?  REMEMBER?  you said you’d wear your harness!

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you’re welcome.

die grue scum!

edited for coherence (june 9th, 2012)

so that whole “die cis scum” thing that has everyone raging?  i’m totally gonna touch it.  with like, my actual hands and not with a pole of any length.

i want to preface this by saying that i’m hoping to start a dialogue on my blog about the “die cis scum” meme, but i’m not going to start calling people out for telling cis people to die (metaphorically/literally).  i’m not judging people who think of “die cis scum” as a battle cry, a cathartic release, or a cry of defiance and pride.  if you feel that “die cis scum” is valuable to you, fucking go for it.  oppressed minorities are entitled to their anger.

i recognize that my dfab trans* privilege could be influencing my opinions on this matter and that i can only speak for myself.  also, i’m white as white as white and race intersects with transness in serious ways; i totally declare my white privilege.

i’m going to talk about what “die cis scum” means to me and why it’s not for me.  hopefully, other peoples will talk about what “die cis scum” means to them and we’ll rock each other’s brain fish neoncore.  also, i love rebuttals.

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“die cis scum” makes me feel itchy cuz it can mean that all cis people are scum and they should fucking die, but it can also mean that people who are scum and cis should fucking die.  those are 2 pretty different meanings; one of them threatens my mom with metaphorical death and the other one doesn’t.

partly for the sake of accuracy, i prefer “die grue scum” to “die cis scum.”  when i write “die grue scum,” i’m specifying that scummy cis people should die before they beat up, rape, murder, deny employment and housing to, or otherwise harass my fellow trans* people.  and that non-grue cis people can just keep being awesome, preferably by standing up to the grues.

i also prefer “die grue scum” to “die cis scum” cuz it doesn’t encourage cis people to whine about being called cis.  you know how some cis people whinge on about how they’re just “bio women/men”, or “natal women/men”?  or worse, “real women/men” and that they don’t see why they need to be labelled cuz they’re the default people anyway?  and then they whine about how they didn’t get to name themselves and how “cis” is actually a slur?  i think “die cis scum” sorta encourages that.  that shit is really fucking annoying and i totally don’t want to encourage it.  (edit:  i want to stress that i’m not trying to put the burden of education on the trans* community.  we aren’t obligated to educate anybody; we are entitled to decide if/when we will educate other people.  andy the nerd says it here.)

i’d love to know what all you neon cats think about this.

melissa harris-perry on msnbc: “being transgender in america”

i don’t usually post videos (‘k, this is my first video EVER and i had trouble posting it), but this is pretty fucking historic.  plus, they actually say “genderqueer” a couple times!  omfg!  on national tv!  watch it, peoples! signal BOOST!

ps: my exams are done, but i’m still working on a crushing project.  i’ve got lotsa post-ideas– wait for ‘em!  cupcakes and dinosaurs for all!

my misogynistic, transphobic family

this is probably going to be a rant; i’m angry, i feel alienated, and i’m totally offended.  so, yeah.  no rainbows and dinosaurs today, my lovelies.

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so i’ve been having some fascinating experiences.  not “fascinating” as in “zounds!  aroid morphogenesis sure is fascinating,” but fascinating as in “fuck!  willful ignorance sure is fascinating!”

to start with, my partner’s side of the family is fairly misogynistic.

for instance, a few of the men in the family regularly insult each other with “woman”.  you know, like, “you fucking woman!  don’t be a fucking woman!” or, “what’s wrong with you, you fucking woman?”  they pull this shit in front of their partners (women) and they pull this shit in front of their young daughter/niece.

with few exceptions (i want to emphasize that there ARE exceptions), even those family members who don’t actually exude misogyny still laugh at the jokes and act like it’s all cool.  i don’t want to go deeper into detail cuz, well, i don’t want to go trashing them all over the internet, but you get the idea, right?

i’ve also had it with the transphobia.  with my partner’s support, i came out as trans* to his side of the family (i left pansexuality out of it) a few weeks ago.  some of them have been behaving coldly towards us ever since.  not that anyone’s been RUDE to us– some of them just haven’t really been, you know, interacting with us.

and that licks, peoples.  it makes me feel rejected.  it makes me feel like an asshat for causing strife between my partner and his side of the family.  it makes me feel like i might not even be on the right planet!

the only upside to all this is that my partner’s mom and step dad have been supportive, though rather confused.  supportive though confused is pretty splendid, if you ask me.  and my fabulous partner has been supportive and NOT-confused.  so, yeah.  it’s not all atrocious.

in conclusion, i have no fucking clue if i will ever attend a family dinner again.  being around people who won’t really talk to you but who keep looking at you sideways is pretty awkward– and it becomes tortuous when seated at a table with them.

i’m starting to seriously consider whether i even want a place in my partner’s side of the family.  cuz generally, after trying and failing to educate ignorant bigots (is that a tautology?), i tell them to fucking play in microwaves.  i just don’t have time for that shit.  should family be any different?

that said, my partner had a strong connection with his family before i came out as trans*; i don’t want to ruin that.  i also don’t want to give up just yet; these people welcomed me into their family, are generally kind people, and have recently been confronted with a totally new concept (non-binary gender).

and in their defense, they don’t really know me at all.  i don’t know how to make small talk and i run away when people ask me personal questions– so all they know is that my partner and their kids think i’m cool.  so it’s not like they’re turning on someone they know and love– it’s more like they just realized that i’m even weirder than they suspected me to be.

i also care deeply for the kids; they’re my friends!  they’re family to me in ways that the grownups just aren’t.  plus, they might mature into open-minded grownups, right?

but i can’t cope with the fucking misogyny, never mind the transphobia.  i just can’t.  …or am i giving up too easily?  fuck.

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yeah.  so what do you peoples think of all this?  i know you don’t really have enough details to give specific advice, but i could sure use some friendly support and some “i’ve been there” stories.  yeah.

sorry for talking/writing like a cissexist, ableist, sexist asshole

[this post has been edited for awesomeness.]

ok, so the title is extreme hyperbole, but hear me out!  i ‘ve been fucking up, peoples.  i’ve been using ableist, sexist, cissexist language.  sure, i didn’t mean anything by it, but i still fucked up.

i’ve been using words like “ret*rded” (ableist as fuck).  i only recently stopped saying that i “identify” as non-binary (cissexist).  i went through my blog a few weeks ago changing “transpeople” to “trans people” (again, cissexist), but i still haven’t apologized for writing it in the first place.  i throw the words “man”, “guys”, and “dude” around like they’re glitter and the world is dan savage’s face (blatantly sexist).

and that’s not fucking neon, peoples.  “ret*rd” is a hate-word and “transpeople” is accidentally cissexist.  referring to a mixed-gender group as “guys” is sexist, though embedded in the language, and is starting to annoy me.  i mean, what’d go down if you referred to a mixed-gender group as “ladies” or “gals”?  at the very least, it’d be laughable.

i don’t dig censorship.  i don’t think governments should get to censor the internet.  but i think this is different because this isn’t about me deciding what’s good for other people– it’s about me not wanting to contribute to the rampant sexism, cissexism, and ableism in this society.

so i’m gonna try not to write/say shit like, “hey, guys!” unless i am literally writing/talking to a bunch of GUYS.  the word “mankind” has always pissed me off (cuz what am i?  a fucking orange?), so this just makes sense.  masculinity is not the default.  and point it out if i write/say “ret*rded”.  that’s no less hurtful than writing/saying “tr*nny”– which i haven’t done in years.

if you (i was going to type “guys”) PEOPLES have any wicked and inclusive substitutes for these shitty words that have been staples of my vocabulary for years, lemme know.  new words = fun times!

cuz these words are embedded in my brain and even as i write this, my brain leaps to ableist, sexist language.  that doesn’t excuse me, though.  peoples, i sincerely apologize.  i fucked up and i have some work to do; i need to retrain myself.  feel free to point it out if i slip up– this isn’t going to be easy.

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lemme know what you think about all this, cats.  am i censoring myself?  am i dumbing anything down?  i don’t feel like i am, but i’m interested in your marvelous brains.  (does that make me sound like a zombie?  braiiiins…)

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just thought i’d point out that i’m not going to censor your comments unless they contain hate speech/slurs.  you’re still allowed to write, “hey, guys!”  without sticking an asterisk in there.

my silly bathroom dilemma