i’m a conversation-crashing alien with rad eyestalks!

“People treating me like an alien is one thing, but treating me normal and still making me feel like an alien is depressing as hell.” —alexthesane (read original post)

when someone calls you a pervert because they think you’re in the wrong bathroom, you get to make the next move and serve up some enlightenment.  you get to be like, “actually, cat, it’s like this…”

when someone knows that you’re trans and they’re not diggin’ it, you get to have a sweet little heart-to-squishy-heart and figure it out.  even if it goes badly, well, maybe they’ll come ‘round one day as long as you’re polite about it.

when someone is treating you like an alien, you get to make a move, right?

but what about when you’re surrounded by people who think you’re a man?  or a woman?  like alexthesane, i totally think that’s worse than being treated like an alien by someone you’ve already come out to.

when some waiter gives you the pink mug cuz you have tits and gives your tit-less partner the blue mug (a pattern you notice throughout the room)— ew.  the waiter walks away and you don’t want to make a scene or leave a smaller tip because the waiter had no way of knowing that you wouldn’t be ok with his and hers mugs.

when a customer at my workplace (kids’ retail) refers to the shark board game they’re buying as a “boys’ game”, it’s not really ok for me to call them on it.  i mean, they just want to buy a toy for their kid, not hear about gender stereotypes as social constructs.  it’s a little thing, but it makes me crazy.  it makes me feel like i’m not really standing up for myself and it makes me feel guilty, like i’m admitting that the gender binary is the great i am.

these little things are neon-lame because they’re based on the assumption that i’m a hetero cis person, but they’re so trivial that i can’t stand up for myself without going overboard.  bigger things are also based on the assumption that i’m a hetero cis person, but they’re so big that they leave room for me to protest.

i used to be more shy about coming out on the fly (middle of a conversation about, say, fair trade chocolate) than i am these days.  i’m pretty much erring on the side of weirdness/interruptiveness/outness.

like, when someone calls me a young lady or girl or whatever, i often just crash in with “ima’notta girl!”  or “no gendered pronouns, please!”  stranger, teacher, friend— they all get interrupted when they apply the wrong pronouns to me or something.  and then the conversation is totally destroyed and the person totally thinks i’m rude for interrupting— and insane for fucking with their world-view.  i always end up worrying that they don’t give a shit about my gender identity and that it’s silly of me to impose on them.  which is still more fun than quietly keeping myself in the closet.

except for sometimes, like at work.  i don’t wanna get fired for weirding everybody out.

i wouldn’t rather be treated like an alien than like a woman or a man because i think aliens are superior to men and women, although i would love to have tentacles.  it’s just that i feel like i need to do my part to spread my truth around.  if i come out and people treat me like an alien because of it, well, i tried.  but if i don’t even try, i’m not doing myself (or other non-binary people) any favors.

so, yeah.  treat me like a scaly alien with tentacles and rad eyestalks— ok.  that’s fine.  i love tentacles and tentacle hentai.  (bite me.)  just don’t treat me like a woman or a man.

what do you people think?  what do you do when someone makes some totally casual and innocent remark that implies you don’t exist?  do you risk derailing the conversation by coming out?  do you let it glide away?

2 responses to “i’m a conversation-crashing alien with rad eyestalks!

  1. You know I totally <3 your posts. I have actually had cis and other trans non-binary people be offended by my level of "Outness" before, or by my suggestion that by "adhering to the shut-up & color of gender binaries" that it is a disservice to trans/non-binary people everywhere. I always feel guilty when someone finds my blunt honesty about certain things offensive, but I am compelled to be disquieted. Like recently, I stumbled onto the You-Tube of a butch MtF I knew from a very "Stereotypical" transwoman support site I started out on.

    Well, I engaged her and she mentioned that she was glad I started a you-tube channel of all the other people she knew from the group. I mentioned in the reply, that the majority of that group appeared way too content with the gender binary to really want to speak out about it. This seemed to bother her a bit, though I am not sure how she took it because she didn't respond. And it came to my attention when I thought about it later, that quite a few of the trans people I knew weren't comfortable rejecting the binary.

    They were all sort of acting much like the rest of the GLB community who have gender variant expressions but don't consider themselves trans. Gender binary seems to be a big sticking point for both GLB and T, who are trying to avoid it like the plague. But point first, the binary is absolutely and totally wrong because binary = 2 meaning there could only be 1 type of man, and 1 type of woman.

    Scientifically wrong from the get go because of intersexed people, so why does this issue bother people so much or elicit and avoidant response? I do understand that gender expression, gender identity, and sexual orientation are different axises, but I find the binary is a false dichotomy even the spectrum concepts to all be inadequate. If you aren't completely male or female why not reject, and openly the binary concept?

  2. Pingback: Transsexuality and Homosexuality: Reverse Psychology? « Reneta Xian

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