this is probably going to be a rant; i’m angry, i feel alienated, and i’m totally offended. so, yeah. no rainbows and dinosaurs today, my lovelies.
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so i’ve been having some fascinating experiences. not “fascinating” as in “zounds! aroid morphogenesis sure is fascinating,” but fascinating as in “fuck! willful ignorance sure is fascinating!”
to start with, my partner’s side of the family is fairly misogynistic.
for instance, a few of the men in the family regularly insult each other with “woman”. you know, like, “you fucking woman! don’t be a fucking woman!” or, “what’s wrong with you, you fucking woman?” they pull this shit in front of their partners (women) and they pull this shit in front of their young daughter/niece.
with few exceptions (i want to emphasize that there ARE exceptions), even those family members who don’t actually exude misogyny still laugh at the jokes and act like it’s all cool. i don’t want to go deeper into detail cuz, well, i don’t want to go trashing them all over the internet, but you get the idea, right?
i’ve also had it with the transphobia. with my partner’s support, i came out as trans* to his side of the family (i left pansexuality out of it) a few weeks ago. some of them have been behaving coldly towards us ever since. not that anyone’s been RUDE to us– some of them just haven’t really been, you know, interacting with us.
and that licks, peoples. it makes me feel rejected. it makes me feel like an asshat for causing strife between my partner and his side of the family. it makes me feel like i might not even be on the right planet!
the only upside to all this is that my partner’s mom and step dad have been supportive, though rather confused. supportive though confused is pretty splendid, if you ask me. and my fabulous partner has been supportive and NOT-confused. so, yeah. it’s not all atrocious.
in conclusion, i have no fucking clue if i will ever attend a family dinner again. being around people who won’t really talk to you but who keep looking at you sideways is pretty awkward– and it becomes tortuous when seated at a table with them.
i’m starting to seriously consider whether i even want a place in my partner’s side of the family. cuz generally, after trying and failing to educate ignorant bigots (is that a tautology?), i tell them to fucking play in microwaves. i just don’t have time for that shit. should family be any different?
that said, my partner had a strong connection with his family before i came out as trans*; i don’t want to ruin that. i also don’t want to give up just yet; these people welcomed me into their family, are generally kind people, and have recently been confronted with a totally new concept (non-binary gender).
and in their defense, they don’t really know me at all. i don’t know how to make small talk and i run away when people ask me personal questions– so all they know is that my partner and their kids think i’m cool. so it’s not like they’re turning on someone they know and love– it’s more like they just realized that i’m even weirder than they suspected me to be.
i also care deeply for the kids; they’re my friends! they’re family to me in ways that the grownups just aren’t. plus, they might mature into open-minded grownups, right?
but i can’t cope with the fucking misogyny, never mind the transphobia. i just can’t. …or am i giving up too easily? fuck.
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yeah. so what do you peoples think of all this? i know you don’t really have enough details to give specific advice, but i could sure use some friendly support and some “i’ve been there” stories. yeah.