dear person who sent me an email containing an approximation of this (rhetorical? honest?) question: “should i not apply feminine pronouns to you when referring to the time before you transitioned/were a girl?”,
no. no you should not. i was never a girl. it doesn’t fucking matter that you/the world thought i was a girl because you/the world were mistaken.
the fact that people once thought i was a girl is irrelevant to every respectful conversation you could have about me– because it’s nobody’s fucking business. on my own terms, i choose to disclose on this blog that i was dfab (designated female at birth). you have no right to disclose that information because my gender is my own. as in, not yours’.
it’s extremely rude to refer to a trans* person as anything other than their actual gender– regardless of the topic. if you’re discussing a time before a trans* person began their transition, refer to them by their preferred pronouns. if you’re discussing the violent death of a trans* person at the hands of local grues, refer to them with their preferred pronouns. if you’re discussing the time a trans* person went into outer space to have sex with aliens– something something something preferred pronouns.
while i’m at it, i should probably mention that the same goes for names. i’ve legally changed my name as part of my social transition and it would be disrespectful/cissexist to even mention my old name (accidents happen, but they still hurt). my old name was never mine; please pretend it never existed/was on my birth certificate. my old name has no place in any remotely respectful conversation you could ever have about me.
this is considered common courtesy in the trans* community. please note that using our old names/pronouns is disrespectful whether or not we’re listening. some trans* people don’t mind other people using our old names and pronouns– but lots of us are very triggered/offended/hurt when other people use our old names/pronouns.
the only way to get around this is with the express permission of the trans* person. you may use our old names/pronouns with our permission. and you do not have my permission (neither does anyone else– don’t feel bad).
am i touchy about this shit? fuck yes. do i assume that you simply didn’t know any better? yep! i’m still touchy about it, though. if you want to know why i’m so touchy about old names/pronouns, read this article about lorena escalera (tw: cissexism, death). dmab (designated male at birth) trans* people get the brunt of this spidershit, but it affects all of us.
thanks for reading.
seriously but not angrily, ALL the mx. punks