the search term post: every blogger has to write at least one of these

some bloggers like to tell their readers about their most awesome search engine terms every month, but i’ve been saving mine up since i started blogging over a year ago.  i’ve been compiling a list of my favorite search terms all this time– and now i’m gonna share ’em with you.  yay!

first, though, i’d like to thank all the intrepid internaughts who made this totally ridiculous list possible.  yay for you!  (seriously, yay!)

(to be totally clear, these are search terms that led peoples to my splendid blog-space.)

*   *   *

i don’t believe in abelism

rad!  cuz your disbelief in ableism magically makes ableism DISAPPEAR!  no doubt, pwd throughout the galaxy will hail you as a hero.

photo scaly man

i assume you’re talking about warren, the famed half-fish superhero.  yeah, i know that cat.  conveniently, he just commissioned a portrait:

look no pants ass

just a random ass for ya.  without pants.  also without legs cuz i suck at drawing.  the background is blue cuz, well, the sunny days with blue skies are the best days for streaking, imo.

how to talk to a pansexual

use small words in small word-strings.  we suck with word-stuffs.

i’m awesome ninja!

me, too!

what does a pansexual’s brain look like?

like rainbow jar cakes.  that’s why we’re so weird; people keep mistaking our brains for delicious snacks and EATING them.  in turn, this makes us want to eat other people’s brains in order to regain cephalization.

what to do if you’re pansexual

start eating other people’s brains and smearing glitter all over your body!

boys men end cock 10 inges fucks end gay men

what does “inges” mean?  is it some sex slang term i’ve never heard of?  is it a sex toy?  also, how young are these boys you’re searching for?  cuz if they’re under 18, you can fuck the fuck off.

pansexualism interesting facts

we’re all ninjas.  there’s an interesting fact for ya.  also, our brains look like rainbow jar cakes.

christmas gifts genderqueer pink

no pink, please.  some fishnets and a plaid shirt would be rad gifts, though.  and some acrylic paints; mine are running out.  also, food stamps would rock neoncore.

pansexual the only valid identity

really?!  somebody should probably tell the gay/bi/straight/ace etc. people!  alert the media!  (seriously, though.  what planet are you from and can i go there on vacation?)

pansexuals have taken over

and now everyone must engage in a worldwide bondage/sex riot!  huzzah!

genitals shoes

wash the shoes before combining those 2 items, k?

do pansexuals fuck toasters?

no, silly!  we only fuck pans.  however, we DO tend to discriminate against non-stick pans cuz we don’t want to get teflon on/in our glistening junk.  lube works better, anyway; we like a little friction.

non-binary trans people everywhere

non-binary trans* folks have joined forces with pansexual folks to take over the world; of COURSE we’re everywhere.  and why?!  cuz we share the dream of a worldwide bondage/sex riot!

why so many pansexuals

because we’ve taken over, remember?  and we’re going to have a worldwide bondage/sex riot?  REMEMBER?  you said you’d wear your harness!

*   *   *

you’re welcome.

10 responses to “the search term post: every blogger has to write at least one of these

  1. alot of mystery

    I ran into Warren the other day, it was splendid! Can i have some cake? Only if I’m wearing a harness? How did you know! tttthhhhhhbbbbbppppttt

  2. yay! <3 yes. you must wear a harness, i shall wear a mask– and we shall eat rainbow jar cakes. yay!

  3. Lolz this is fantastic.

    “why so many pansexuals”
    Is this question recent? If so it’s probably because of Mary Gonzalez making headlines. I always thought she was cute, and now she’s even cuter. That’s probably not very fair though eh? Can’t help it if straight cis folks are less attractive by virtue of being boring! ;)

  4. thanks! actually, “why so many pansexuals” is a pretty popular search term in these parts. people’ve found my blog with it a bunch of times over the past few months.

    (psssst! am super stoked about mary gonzalez! not so stoked on her definition of pansexuality, but definitely stoked on the whole “real-people-can-be-pan-too thing.)

  5. So much win in this post.

  6. By far the #1 query that brings people to my site is some version of, “intersecting lines in real life.” (A photo I took of power lines is in the top results on Google Images when people search for that.) After that, people want to know about chest hair. Also many people want to see ftms nude, especially some guy named Chaz Bono.

    What makes me kinda proud is, a few months ago I wrote this post dedicated to someone who got to my blog by searching for “ftm fad,” and told them to f*ck off. That vinegar is still drawing the flies, and that’s a good thing, because they get told.

  7. i loved that post! and it’s fucking rad that folks are still finding it and getting told; total win. also, your pie-making skills impress me. if i learn how to make pies, i will become fat (i know from personal experience that excessive pie-eating makes me fat) and that’s cool cuz fat = sexy.

    “excessive pie-eating makes me fat…” huzzah!

    also, people have started asking google about warren. i must obtain an exclusive interview with warren and post it here; his fans are hungry for his words, it seems. mwa.

  8. Thanks for the compliments on my pie-making skills. I feel you on the excessive pie eating, cuz, excessive drinking (alcoholic kind) makes me fat(ter), so I’m having to pace myself a few days between all these awesome seasonal beers.

    I guess I could have written a nicer and more academic post in place of that “ftm fad” post, but I wasn’t up for it, and truth is, it probably works just as well, maybe better, the way it turned out. I’m just sad that someone in the comments had to point out that it might be other ftms searching it, and it didn’t occur to me. At the time I didn’t know this HBS stuff was becoming en vogue again.

    Oh yeah, and I forgot to say, this was my favorite part: “do pansexuals fuck toasters?

    no, silly! we only fuck pans.”

  9. just wanted to point out that i totally expect to be fat someday cuz i love eating and i’m chubby to start with– and i don’t mind cuz i’m of the fat-positive flavor. just wanted to send some fat-love rays out there. <3

    actually, i think your "ftm fad" post was fucking perfect. it sends the right message, imo.

    also, i love it when cats have favorite parts. that just makes me all glittery in my tummy. huzzah!

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