every day is coming out day for someone wearing a gender tag

it’s true, cats.  i field questions about my gender and my pronouns almost every day, mostly cuz of my totally rad gender tag.  yay!  so coming out day (yesterday) wasn’t really a big deal to me.  still, here’s a belated coming out day post cuz coming out day is rad.  huzzah!

k.  so i guess i should share some coming out stories, right?  k.

*   *   *

coming out at school:

so i came out as a nonbinary trans* person at school this year by sending this email to my teachers in september.  i was fucking terrified the whole time i was writing the email, my sweetheart had to make sure i hit “send” rather than just deleting the email, and i was nervous nigh unto pissing myself for weeks.

i only received one reply via email, but it was a pretty awesome reply.  basically, my teacher said he’d do his best and he advised me to just correct him when he fucked up.  that was fucking rad cuz i happen to give a shit about his opinion.  he’s one of those people who seem kind and safe and who are fun to have conversations with, so i was actually really worried about what i’d do if he got all weird on me.  but he didn’t, so yay!  a couple days ago, i talked to this same teacher about nonbinary gender.  it went really well; he asked some questions, said some interesting stuff, and said he’d keep working on it.  he’s getting pretty good at not misgendering me and i’m stoked.

my private lessons teacher (everyone in the music program takes private lessons at school) didn’t reply to my coming out email, but we’ve been talking about pronouns and he’s been trying really hard.  which is fucking rad cuz i wouldn’t be able to spend another year taking private lessons from someone who didn’t respect my gender and my pronouns.

some of my other teachers have been awkward around me, but at least nothing really bad has happened.  also, lots of students notice my gender tag and are cool about it.  coming out as nonbinary at school has been pretty splendid.

*   *   *

coming out to my family:

so i came out to my family last year.  my mom was all like, “what about your (presumed heterosexual) partner?  she was weird about it til she watched this video and (i shit you not) came around immediately.  she fucks my pronouns up sometimes, but she’s getting much better.  plus, she corrects other people!  and that’s just neon.

my dad doesn’t count cuz he’s outta my life (i can’t believe he’s just letting me walk away; it’s too good to be true).

my sister moved across the world and is mostly outta my life (for now?), but she took it pretty well.  also, my little nephew, who is more awesome than space ninja dinosaurs, stopped calling me auntie ____ and made up a non-gendered name for me.  yay!  (i fucking miss that kid with all my bones and salt.)  so my sister either had a hand in getting her kid to stop calling me auntie ____ or she at least supported my nephew’s decision to do so.  so victory and yay.

i haven’t come out to my grandmothers.  one of them can’t grasp that i’m even queer (i’ve come out as queer to her at least 3 times and she keeps “forgetting”), but i should probably talk to the other one.  also, the grandmother who can’t understand basic queerness pays my tuition.  i’ll let you know how it goes with the other one, though.

my partner’s family didn’t take it very well.  i came out to them last xmas by passing out sheets of paper with brief explanations of nonbinary gender on them.  some of them widened their eyes, puffed out their cheeks, and never acknowledged me again.  one of them explained how very ok with it she was– and then never really spoke to me again.

it’s ok, though, cuz i removed my awesome self from that toxic situation.  except now my sweetheart is on uneasy terms with his side of the family and that’s not cool.  but they were assholes anyway.  but i still feel bad.  bleh.

*   *   *

at work:

cats, i work for my mom.  i’m cheating, basically.  i used to work for someone else and i was worried she’d fire me for being trans*, but my mom bought the business and is now my boss.  so i’m cheating cuz that’s one fewer person to come out to.  also, i have no co-workers.

*   *   *

tl;dr i’m out to basically everybody and i expect the people in my life to try to get my pronouns right.  some people are assholes, but some people are awesome.

also, coming out is a fucking privilege and not everyone is in a position to do so.  not everyone even wants to come out.  either way, we’re pretty splendid cats.

(what a shitty post.  i hope nobody reads it.  maybe i’ll fix it in the morning when i’m not sleepy.  maybe i’ll leave it here so my next mediocre post will seem spectacular by comparison.  maybe i’ll like this post when i reread it in the morning**.  am going to sleep now.)

**i don’t.  this post is still poorly written.  i’m gonna leave it that way, though, cuz lazy.

4 responses to “every day is coming out day for someone wearing a gender tag

  1. F wears (as does Z) whatever he wants (or I want, which involves a flowers and rainbows and rubber duckies and cupcakes) because of you coming out. Because of you I have found a whole new realm of understanding of gender and what it means just to be yourself. You have inspired me and we spread the word subtly through photography. Thank you. Every photo reminds me of you and I hoped one day you would see it.

    <3 Keep going, Mx. Punk. You are amazing. Really! RESSSPEEEECCCTTTTT! /fancy gangster pose

  2. yay for f and z! (i edited their names and mine cuz there are scary peoples on the internets who don’t like trans* folks. and i am scared of them.) every fucking time i work, at least one kid wants to look at something but their parent is all like, “no! that’s for girls/boys!” sometimes, the parent looks around to see if anyone noticed their kid’s indiscretion, goes all red, and reassures me that their kid is usually “such a girly-girl/manly man”. ew. so it’s fucking rad that you don’t police f and z like that. yay!

    (what photos?! am confused.)

    *strikes zoingy space warrior pose* <3

  3. Ooooo, I shoulda thought of that one. Thanks for the edit! Yeah, it drives me totally bonkers now to see that happen. There is a famous quote that reflects this. “once a mind expands, it can never go back” or something ……… Anyways. It needs to end. “Pink Stinks” is a super cool one for educating parents.

    You haven’t seen them? I can show you if you like. It’s not BLAMMMMM in your face, I just dress F without designating gender, and I enjoy showing off how awesome he looks in his adorbz pink leggings with little roses on them. They even have a bunny on his tushy. No one has even questioned the presence of the different colors…. So either a lot of people think he’s a girl or something good is coming of it. HMMMMMMM… But yeah. I dunno if you would like them, but I like them, and I like them more knowing I am incorporating something I learned from you. It’s really cool to try and snow ball the knowledge I have acquired from it all. :D it all being my “zomg……….. I can see RAINBOWS!!!!!!” Cuz that’s how it is. Suddenly seeing rainbows and liking it. And wanting to share the rainbows with EVERYONE! Sweeeeeet.

  4. Pingback: layers of dysphoria | rainbowgenderpunk

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