Monthly Archives: March 2013

i’m moving and it’s crunch time at school

yep, i’m still alive! yay! but i’m in the middle of moving and it’s crunch time at school (not yay), so this dry spell will continue for a while. also, if you’ve commented in the last little while and i haven’t posted or replied to your comment, be patient. i will survive and then i will do stuff. also, i will answer my emails one day. i promise.

in the meantime, here’s a picture of me not being dead:

ta-da!

reclaiming my femininity

i’ve worn clothes from the “boys’” and “men’s” sections** for most of my life. those are just the clothes i like and they make me feel comfy.

sometimes i wonder, though, if maybe i like those clothes cuz society tells me they’re for “not-girls/women.” like, how much of my gender expression is mediated/informed by society? i occur in this societal framework and it’s not like i can just fuck off and live in a vacuum. i definitely need to examine the ways i construct my gender expression.

i spent a long time trying to live as a tomboy/butch-y woman. i experienced very little backlash (no bullying, no parental pressure, etc.), but it wasn’t right for me cuz reasons. old gender things i’d forgotten/buried started to unbury themselves, so i went looking for something.

i went through a phase where i presented as a femme-y woman. it was weird. i mean, i wore whatever clothes i wanted to wearyou look so goood, just like i always had, but it turned out that i just wanted to wear femme-y clothes for a while. and people kept telling me i looked pretty, that they much preferred my new look, that i looked funky and fun (i’m always fucking fun, k? i’m fucking fun even when i’m wearing plannel*** and work boots.), and that they were glad i’d finally “found myself.”

holy fuck, right? i was experimenting with my gender expression and all these people came outta nowhere to “reward” me for finally expressing my gender in a way that made them comfortable. so i ended up deciding to wear my old clothes again (stuff “for” boys/men). sure, i often wear fishnets under my torn-up jeans, but that’s nothing. not much, anyway.

i do love my fishnets, though. just sayin’.

maybe i should go to school wearing a tutu over some skinny jeans. or something. just to fuck with people and to show them (and myself) that i can wear whatever the fuck i want. that i’m not a dfab trans* stereotype, ya know? cuz i’m starting to feel a little trapped by people’s expectations.

thing is, i’m also trapped by my tits. that probably sounds totes weird, but it’s true. i can’t wear shit that emphasizes my tits; the dysphoria is crippling. as it is, when i get dressed, i’m always searching for the magic shirt that’ll make my tits look flatter. as though i can hide triple d tits even with binders. (spoiler: nope.) so i don’t really know i’d go about reclaiming my femininity even if i decided i definitely wanted to.

i mean, how do we go about reclaiming our femininity or masculinity? how do we reclaim our stories? the way society is set up, we have to “prove” the validity of our gender(s)/genderlessness; when we don’t dress “right,” that gets used against us. how the fuck do we navigate this toxicity? i don’t have the answers, lovelies; i think this is one of those things that needs some serious conversation. so, thoughts?

**i don’t think clothes should be gendered at all. there is nothing inherently masculine about dinosaurs and dark colors. there is nothing inherently feminine about flowers and pink. this is the paradigm i’m living in, though, and just ignoring it won’t solve anything.

***plannel = plaid + flannel

binarist asshattery (9000th edition)

yeah, more binarist asshattery. it never ends. to no one’s shock ever, care2 make a difference is binarist. i wouldn’t give a fuck, but they always have awesomegrumpy mx. punk is grumpy petitions i want to sign– which i can’t sign without misgendering myself. in order to sign petitions, you need to sign in (or register) and choose a binary gender and a gendered prefix (unless you choose “dr.”).

i was so upset that i couldn’t sign this particular petition, i sent an email to them about it. who knows if they’ll ever get back to me, but here it is:

i would love to create an account with care2 make a difference. unfortunately, you’ve chosen to force people to choose between male and female when creating an account. you’ve also chosen to force people to choose a gendered prefix while signing petitions (unless the person chooses “dr.”). this sucks because lots of people (ok, a few people) are 1) neither men nor women or 2) they’re both.

for example, i’m a nonbinary trans* person; i’m neither a man nor a woman. how the hell am i supposed to create an account here or sign petitions? i refuse to just lie and erase myself. you’re implicitly excluding nonbinary people from your site, whether or not you mean to.

please consider allowing people to forgo choosing a gender and a gendered prefix. alternatively, you could add “mx.” as a prefix option (a non-gendered prefix) and “nonbinary” as a gender option.

i’d create a petition about this, but i’d have to misgender myself in order to do it. i challenge you to care to make a difference.

sincerely,

mx. punk

i know, i know. i probably shouldn’t care about this one little petition site. there’re tons of other petitions for me to sign. i know. i guess their whole “human rights” / “make a difference!” thing got to me.  cuz they only appear interested in human rights for certain people, i guess.

but who knows. maybe they’ll email me back and be all like, “whoa! we didn’t know there were more than 2 genders!gold ally star holy shit, we’ll fix that right away! human rights for everyone!” cuz that’d be rad and i would award them the coveted gold ally star. and who the fuck wouldn’t want to be awarded the gold ally star, right? that’s what i’d like to know.

*   *   *

also, my partner and i are moving (houses, not blogs) to a cabin in the forest on an even smaller island! with a bigger vegetable garden! and my partner and i can actually afford it! (srsly, wtf.) and it’s crunch time at school and we’re moving on april 1st, so holy shit we’re freaking out. yeah.

so i have lots of post ideas, but not much time for posting (except i have a few almost-finished posts i might finish soon). stick around, though, my lovelies. <3 school’ll be over halfway through april; be ready.

stay splendid, cats. <3 and don’t eat too much glitter!