Tag Archives: binarism

dear binary trans* guy who complained about referring to people of unknown gender with singular “they”

[TW: ranting, rage, super righteous nonbinary rage, binarist asshattery]

fuck off. just fuck off. you know perfectly well that people frequently use singular “they” to refer to people of unknown gender and/or pronoun preferences. insisting that singular “they” now refers only to people of nonbinary gender denies the diversity among nonbinary people; because of our diversity, we need singular “they” to mean anything and everything, including unknown gender. furthermore, it erases the lives of cis queer people who need to use singular “they” to conceal the gender of their partner in order to stay safe. it’s also just bullshit cuz most people who speak english frequently use singular “they” to refer to people of unknown gender and/or pronouns preferences. it’s embedded in the fucking language. [eta: it might be a north american thing. i dunno. but it’s pretty fucking common, right?]

and when you told that room full of cis people (and various trans* cats) that they should be able to just guess your (gendered) pronouns, that was shitty. fucking thanks. cis people already misgender me constantly; it still hurts even when i correct them immediately. so fucking thanks for encouraging them to continue guessing at my pronouns.

the fuck did you even mean by that, anyway? “you should just be able to guess! don’t i just look like a dude?” are you seriously telling cats that men look a certain way? i suppose you think women also look a certain way, right? what about nonbinary folks? do we all look a certain way, too? you oppressive fuck. people look however the fuck they please, regardless of gender. you have no right to stipulate through implication that a person must prove their gender by looking a certain way. cuz holy fuck, doesn’t that sound familiar.

and nice fucking double standard. you think it’s ok for people to guess gendered pronouns but not nongendered pronouns? cuz, what, nongendered pronouns are extra gross or something? just admit you’re a binarist assclown and go the fuck home.

you spouted all this shit with nonbinary cats in the room and none of us did more than squirm about it cuz we didn’t wanna step on your sacred manly toes, but fuck you. fuck you and your binarist shit.

i’m not gonna call you “they”; i know your pronouns are “he/him/his.” that’s not what i’m talking about. but  i will never again listen and squirm while a binary trans* person spews binarist asshattery. singular “they” is just fine for anyone whose gender and/or pronoun preferences are unknown. stop shitting all over nonbinary people.

also, i didn’t say “fuck you” enough; fuck you, you fucking dudebro.

sincerely, a nonbinary trans*person who’s done with your shit

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yep, i feel better. whew. that’s been weighing me down for awhile.

i actually totes don’t hate this person, but i’ve been seething about this for months. i haven’t seen him in a long time and i don’t know if i’ll ever see him again, so i decided to write a rant instead of talking to him in person. and now i’m not mad anymore, so yay.

i really hope my next post is all lighthearted and stuff. maybe i’ll write about unicorns in space.

binarist asshattery (9000th edition)

yeah, more binarist asshattery. it never ends. to no one’s shock ever, care2 make a difference is binarist. i wouldn’t give a fuck, but they always have awesomegrumpy mx. punk is grumpy petitions i want to sign– which i can’t sign without misgendering myself. in order to sign petitions, you need to sign in (or register) and choose a binary gender and a gendered prefix (unless you choose “dr.”).

i was so upset that i couldn’t sign this particular petition, i sent an email to them about it. who knows if they’ll ever get back to me, but here it is:

i would love to create an account with care2 make a difference. unfortunately, you’ve chosen to force people to choose between male and female when creating an account. you’ve also chosen to force people to choose a gendered prefix while signing petitions (unless the person chooses “dr.”). this sucks because lots of people (ok, a few people) are 1) neither men nor women or 2) they’re both.

for example, i’m a nonbinary trans* person; i’m neither a man nor a woman. how the hell am i supposed to create an account here or sign petitions? i refuse to just lie and erase myself. you’re implicitly excluding nonbinary people from your site, whether or not you mean to.

please consider allowing people to forgo choosing a gender and a gendered prefix. alternatively, you could add “mx.” as a prefix option (a non-gendered prefix) and “nonbinary” as a gender option.

i’d create a petition about this, but i’d have to misgender myself in order to do it. i challenge you to care to make a difference.


mx. punk

i know, i know. i probably shouldn’t care about this one little petition site. there’re tons of other petitions for me to sign. i know. i guess their whole “human rights” / “make a difference!” thing got to me.  cuz they only appear interested in human rights for certain people, i guess.

but who knows. maybe they’ll email me back and be all like, “whoa! we didn’t know there were more than 2 genders!gold ally star holy shit, we’ll fix that right away! human rights for everyone!” cuz that’d be rad and i would award them the coveted gold ally star. and who the fuck wouldn’t want to be awarded the gold ally star, right? that’s what i’d like to know.

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also, my partner and i are moving (houses, not blogs) to a cabin in the forest on an even smaller island! with a bigger vegetable garden! and my partner and i can actually afford it! (srsly, wtf.) and it’s crunch time at school and we’re moving on april 1st, so holy shit we’re freaking out. yeah.

so i have lots of post ideas, but not much time for posting (except i have a few almost-finished posts i might finish soon). stick around, though, my lovelies. <3 school’ll be over halfway through april; be ready.

stay splendid, cats. <3 and don’t eat too much glitter!

reader question: i’m a fucking grue/troll. help?!

[TW: cisfuckery, ciscentrism, binarism, sex-essentialism]

i love reader questions! actually, this was a comment,** but i moved it here cuz it’s just so yay:

Cis is nonsense. Its a power grab. Why shouldn’t male and female be the default? It IS the default, biologically speaking. About .025 percent of the world’s population is transgendered. It’s not usual. It’s not the norm. “Cis” is a missive fired in the gender politics wars. –Gore Vidal (@UndeadGoreVidal)

yep, you got troubles. i can tell. you’re dancing around the issues a little bit, but i’ll try to read between the lines and help you out. k? k. i shall begin by deciphering your (not-so-well-)coded message.


Cis is nonsense.

translation: you respond to things you haven’t a clue about by pretending there’s nothing to understand. possibly because you believe this will stop folks from holding you accountable for your ignorance.

Its a power grab.

translation: you believe that decentralizing cisness will give trans* folks power over cis people. what kind of power, you ask? read on, brave question-asker!

Why shouldn’t male and female be the default? It IS the default, biologically speaking.

translation: you don’t know what gender is, you think you know what “sex” is, you’re conflating gender and sex in the grue-way rather than in the -i-think-sex-might-be-a-social-construction way, and you’re totes ok with marginalizing groups of people who aren’t common enough for you. it also appears that you feel entitled to being hailed as the default human. (either you’re a cis white guy, or you’re playing one for the lulz.)

also, this probably reveals what kind of power over cis people you’re worried about. i’m guessing you’re worried about trans* folks having enough ~magical powers~ over cis people to live in a world without ciscentrism. (in case you aren’t keeping up, my dudebro (or pretend-dudebro), insisting that cis people are the default is ciscentrist.)

About .025 percent of the world’s population is transgendered. It’s not usual.

translation: you’re reallyreally, fucking definitely ok with marginalizing a group of people if they aren’t common enough for you. like, “you must be this tall to ride the “i’m an actual human being with basic rights” train. basically what you’re saying. (in case you’re confused, lovely cockalorum, centralizing one group of people at the expense of another usually leads to denying the non-central group at least some of their human rights.)

It’s not the norm.

translation: you think “normal” is a thing and that you get to dole out human rights based on your own definition of it. sounds totes legit.

“Cis” is a missive fired in the gender politics wars.

translation: (i’m guessing “missive” is supposed to be “missile” because i don’t see what letters have to do with anything.***) you think “cis” is an insult or a weapon of some kind. you also seem to believe that trans* people have the numbers/the means to attack cis people and cause damage. (or why would you be worried about it? right?)

so, based on my highly-awesome (and not at all patronizing) analysis, this is a summary of what i think your (not-so-)cryptic message means:

  1. you don’t know what’s going on, so you’re pretending there’s nothing to understand.
  2. you think pretending there’s nothing to understand will immunize you against criticism.
  3. you think trans* people who demand human rights are going to do so by taking away your human rights.
  4. you don’t know the difference between privileges and rights.
  5. you don’t know what gender is.
  6. you think you know what “sex” is, but you’re conflating gender and sex in that fucked up “i’m-a-grue” way.
  7. you’re ok with marginalizing groups of people who aren’t common enough for you.
  8. you believe in the holiness of “normalcy”.
  9. you believe that people who don’t precisely fit your definition of “normal” deserve to be marginalized.
  10. you think “cis” is a dangerous weapon.

whew! now that i’ve translated your lovely little missive to the best of my (fabulous) abilities, i’ll move on to proposing some solutions for your problems.


  1. try to actually understand things. read things written by people you have privileges over (and actually stfu and pay attention). read blogs. there’s no need to jump in without first doing some research and some critical thinking.
  2. lolnope.
  3. do more thinking.
  4. read straight white male: the lowest difficulty setting there is, and what is privilege?.  being welcome and sacrificing privilege are probably relevant, too.
  5. google “what is gender” and read everything that comes up. especially stuff written by trans* people (see #1).
  6. see #1.
  7. accept that you’re a self-centered asshat. breathe deeply the fragrance of your own lower digestive tract. if you ever get sick of it, see #1.
  8. see # 7.
  9. see #7.
  10. read cis is not a slur, grues and “cisgender” is not a slur, john aravosis.


and there you have it, grue/troll. thanks for the fun times! <3 i had fun, you had fun; we both won! plus, i managed to make the section titles kinda rhyme. like, how neon is that?!

you’re welcome for everything.

**seriously, this did start off as a comment on we need the word cisgender. but i couldn’t just leave it there; the clever gore vidal needed moar attentions! so i made this post. <3

***i just want to be clear that i’m not attacking vidal over a probable typo. typos, messed up grammar, etc. have nothing to do with an argument’s validity/invalidity. i just didn’t want to assume it was supposed to read “missile” rather than “missive” without saying something cuz that could be confusing and i could be wrong.

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UPDATE: vidal needs more attention! i’m so excited, i might pee. i just KNEW this day would come! also, they believe calling someone “a self-serving prick,” “a dumbfuck,” and “darling” counts as supporting their argument!

all italics are from a comment they posted below; i moved it up here cuz i wouldn’t want vidal to miss out on any potential attention.

you’re just so full of shit its not worth arguing with you about, and anyone who knows anything about the transmafia knows that arguing is pointless. but since you are such a fucking self-serving prick, let me reiterate to you a few little tidbits:
1. I know the difference between sex and gender. if youre a m2f trans you’re a woman, because woman is about gender identity. you are not, however female, because that’s about biology. so, let’s say it again until you finally understand. you’re not a female, but you can call yourself a woman if you like. just don’t let the radfems hear you or they’ll laugh until they pee., since they don’t and won’t ever say you’re a woman OR female.

wow! you’re not conflating gender and sex in the help-i’m-a-grue way! that means you’re right about everything! you win all the star stickers! yay for you!!!!11!! if you want even moar stars, try googling “biological sex social construct” (or something like that) and read everything you find.
and thanks for the heads up about terfs being assholes to trans* people (mainly dmab trans* people, i might add); that’s shocking! omfg how did i miss that? thanks, cat!

2. transactivism is about gender essentialism and it is essentially anti-feminist, anti-female and “pro-woman” (of the girly-girl, frock wearing variety); say it again: you say its about being female but everything you do and say (usually) is about gender identity.

i think you have a few things to teach women about feminism! i’m super impressed! and clearly, you are very active in the trans* community and read lots of trans* writings! i can tell.

3. I’m worried about .025 percent of the population being fucking ***** (edited by mx. punk to remove ableist bullshit) who violently censor anyone who doesn’t agree with them. It is a power grab, the oppression olympics. y’all want in on it. I could multiple examples faster than you can say “Cis.” How many individuals have their finger on a nuclear weapon? Probably less than .025 percent of the population, right darling? You at all worried about them? Like shootin’ fish in a barrel, talkin’ to you.

ya got me there. i mean, i DID totes just censor your ableist slur. and hey, that’s a good point about how “wanting in” on “the oppression olympics” is a total power grab. like, yeah! when folks start whining about being oppressed, they’re just trying to steal your delicious human rights!

apparently, when trans* folks attempt to decentralize cisness, it’s almost like we have nuclear weapons. cuz holy shit the next step from not being completely dehumanized is going nuclear. at the very least, attempting to decentralize cisness has the potential to kill cis people and destroy everything. you convinced me, darling-ookum-snookums. (it’s soooo romantic when you call me “darling”!)

4. “Cissexual” is a term made up by transactivists who actually do not understand the difference between gender identity, gender and sex. It’s an empty term. It “means” what you say it signifies, but it don’t MEAN a thing (cuz it ain’t go that swing). It’s a reification in your little power grab dance.

yup, no one understands gender/sex/etc. better than people who never have to question theirs’. no one else could possibly have anything to add! good thing we have pompous cis people like you to educate us! seriously though, let’s leave ellington out of it.

5. Being male or female (remember darling, that’s about sex) is the norm. Google “statistical norm.” Being transgender is not the statistical norm. It is not the “default” in terms of biological sex. That’s all. I’m not saying y’all are evil. I’m saying being transgendered is not normative. Your panties are in a bunch because you don’t want to be considered “non-ideal.” That’s not what I mean when I say that being transgender is not the norm. That is a fact. You’re worried that people will use “not the norm” to attack you, a valid worry.

oh, my sweet darling gore, maybe google “default human” and read things. i’ll wait for you. i’ll wait forever! *faints*

5. For every “blog” you want to send me to, I can send you to 100 others making the solid case for why your thinking is primitive, anti-female and reflective of the white-male-privileged power grab typical of the transmafia, so let’s just not play that little game. –Gore Vidal (@UndeadGoreVidal)

oh yes, my darling! please educate us! please don’t cite your sources (it makes total sense that you would also mock any sources other people cite)! please use words rooted in eurocentrism! and seriously, what a bunch of meanies those transactivists are; they’re totally just like the mafia. always killing cis people, threatening cis people with guns, beating the living shit out of cis people. totally. you’re so CUTE when you talk about privilege, i can’t stand it! *faints moar*

Oh, and p.s.:
“the noun missive comes from the Latin word missus, meaning “to send.” You may have heard the phrase, “fire off a missive,” meaning a note, memo or dispatch that was written and sent with urgency and conveyed an important message. It might have been a missive sent from a commander to the troops, telling them of a change in the battle plan.”

The use of the word “missive” was evidently too nuanced for you to understand that I was playing on the pair missive/missile and the allusion to a war of words, to wit, the war over the word “cis.” But you know what honey, just keep writing long, numbered lists of points refuting my points. I know it makes you feel proud of yourself. As for me, it allows me to see just how delightfully much of a dumbfuck you really are.

well, honey-lips, i didn’t catch that. if you’re going to be condescending about it though, let’s talk about how you believe 5 comes after 5. evidently, the hindu-arabic numeral system is too nuanced for you to understand. (see? being a condescending fuck because someone didn’t notice your linguistic prowess, made typos, and/or fucked up grammatically is major shenanigans.)

and let’s cut the shit. you didn’t come here to talk. you came here with your mind made up, looking for some fun. so here’s your fun! yay! i make fun of you without taking you seriously or considering anything you have to say!

once again, you’re welcome. darling.