Tag Archives: Gender binary

binarist asshattery (9000th edition)

yeah, more binarist asshattery. it never ends. to no one’s shock ever, care2 make a difference is binarist. i wouldn’t give a fuck, but they always have awesomegrumpy mx. punk is grumpy petitions i want to sign– which i can’t sign without misgendering myself. in order to sign petitions, you need to sign in (or register) and choose a binary gender and a gendered prefix (unless you choose “dr.”).

i was so upset that i couldn’t sign this particular petition, i sent an email to them about it. who knows if they’ll ever get back to me, but here it is:

i would love to create an account with care2 make a difference. unfortunately, you’ve chosen to force people to choose between male and female when creating an account. you’ve also chosen to force people to choose a gendered prefix while signing petitions (unless the person chooses “dr.”). this sucks because lots of people (ok, a few people) are 1) neither men nor women or 2) they’re both.

for example, i’m a nonbinary trans* person; i’m neither a man nor a woman. how the hell am i supposed to create an account here or sign petitions? i refuse to just lie and erase myself. you’re implicitly excluding nonbinary people from your site, whether or not you mean to.

please consider allowing people to forgo choosing a gender and a gendered prefix. alternatively, you could add “mx.” as a prefix option (a non-gendered prefix) and “nonbinary” as a gender option.

i’d create a petition about this, but i’d have to misgender myself in order to do it. i challenge you to care to make a difference.


mx. punk

i know, i know. i probably shouldn’t care about this one little petition site. there’re tons of other petitions for me to sign. i know. i guess their whole “human rights” / “make a difference!” thing got to me.  cuz they only appear interested in human rights for certain people, i guess.

but who knows. maybe they’ll email me back and be all like, “whoa! we didn’t know there were more than 2 genders!gold ally star holy shit, we’ll fix that right away! human rights for everyone!” cuz that’d be rad and i would award them the coveted gold ally star. and who the fuck wouldn’t want to be awarded the gold ally star, right? that’s what i’d like to know.

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also, my partner and i are moving (houses, not blogs) to a cabin in the forest on an even smaller island! with a bigger vegetable garden! and my partner and i can actually afford it! (srsly, wtf.) and it’s crunch time at school and we’re moving on april 1st, so holy shit we’re freaking out. yeah.

so i have lots of post ideas, but not much time for posting (except i have a few almost-finished posts i might finish soon). stick around, though, my lovelies. <3 school’ll be over halfway through april; be ready.

stay splendid, cats. <3 and don’t eat too much glitter!

silly nobinary folks! accurate pronouns are for binary people!

there’s this thing that sucks really hard: binary folks basically telling nonbinary folks that asking for respect (asking for our nongendered pronouns) is asking too much.  it needs to stop, cats.  please.

we don’t need binary folks to tell us how fucking hard it is to get other people to respect our nongendered pronouns.  we already know that.  we LIVE that.  so when well-meaning binary folks come along and tell us (kindly, in my experience) that the thing we’re asking for is going to make work for other people—don’t.  we already know.

i’m not saying you should be all like, “yeah!  i bet if you just tell everyone, people will automatically start applying your nongendered pronouns to you without any fuckups!  yeah!”  cuz, you know, that’d come off as kinda sarcastic.

but you could be all like, “yeah, i’ll do my best.  please correct me when i slip up and i promise to be graceful about it.  do you want me to help you teach other people your pronouns?”  something like that.  cuz honest support would be rad.  thanks, cats.

for a small sampling of receipts, check out the comment section of gender-neutral pronouns presenting a problem [TRIGGER WARNING: binarist asshattery].

fuck NO, pan problems!

[CONTENT WARNING: cissexism, rape, violence]

i found this graphic on tumblr and i want to talk about it.  i get that the op was probably trying to be positive, but i have a few issues with this pic.  i shall now present them to you in no particular order because ranking shit is too hard for my brain.

1. the word “love”  –  we’re talking about (sexual/romantic) attraction here, not just love.  in this case, i think “love” comes off as a euphemism for “some combination of attraction, sex, love, and/or affection.”  personally, i think euphemisms are half-assed and useless unless you’re trying to avoid triggers (avoiding triggers = awesome).

(i don’t think “attraction” is generally a triggering word, but please lemme know if i’m just eating my foot, here.  cuz i’m good at changing my ways.)

2. the word “shouldn’t”  –  seriously, i know this is just a little graphic and it’s probably supposed to be cute and/or inspirational, but don’t tell me what my “love” should or should not be based on.  unless i’m fetishizing a group of people and/or behaving in a problematic way, you don’t get to do that.

like, is it ok if i’m only attracted to people who think consent is sexy?  “should” i “love” anti-consent people cuz the “love” police say so?  didn’t think so.  i think “shouldn’t” is kinda a shitty word to use in a graphic like this.

3. “…something as trivial as gender” – gender isn’t trivial.  people are marginalized based on gender. people are killed based on gender.  people are raped based on gender.  people are basically shat on based on gender.  that shit isn’t trivial.  you can’t say gender is trivial unless you’re ignoring the dynamics of gender-based privilege and oppression.

i’d also like to point out that as a trans* person, my gender is pretty fucking important to me in ways cis people often take for granted.  here’s an excerpt from a post i wrote about genderblindness recently:

i fight every day to take up space as a person of my gender.  i come out to strangers on the fly CONSTANTLY (cuz it’s in my self-respect policy).  i end up holding in my piss for hours cuz i can’t find a non-gendered bathroom.  i have to avoid restaurants without non-gendered bathrooms.  i have to avoid clothing stores without non-gendered change rooms.  strangers feel entitled to tell me i’m gross when i come out as trans*.  i have to lie to the government on official forms, and my partner and i are estranged from his side of the family– so i reallyreally hope you aren’t telling me you think my gender is unimportant.  read more.

and that’s just me.  other trans* folks, especially dmab trans* poc, live in fear of serious violence and murder.  this is serious shit.

4.  the notion that pansexuals don’t experience attraction based on gender – maybe YOU don’t experience attraction based on gender, but i do and so do some other pan people.  sometimes gender is a factor in pansexuality and sometimes it isn’t.  there are a shit-ton of ways to experience pansexuality.  start respecting the diversity, please.  thanks.

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i guess i wanted to write about this graphic because it’s more than just a silly picture on tumblr.  to me, it represents attitudes common among internet pansexuals.  these are serious problems and i think we need to talk about them.


talking about trans* folks

lotsa people define “a trans* person” as someone whose sex and gender (or their body and mind/soul) don’t match.  i see where this comes from.  if we say THESE genitals are male and THOSE genitals are female and if  we realize that we aren’t defined by our genitals, it stands to reason that gender (our internal selves) and bodies (mainly our genitals/sex) are two different things that may or may not coincide.

i declare shenanigans on this notion.  yes, it’s true for lotsa trans* people; if you tell me your gender and your body don’t match up (whether or not you want/need them to match up)—i believe you.  you are the ONLY authority on your gender and your body and i totally respect that.  but when you define trans*-ness as a misalignment between gender and body, you erase people like me.

and how am i?  i’ve said it before all over internet land; my gender defines my sex and names my body.  my pussy is nonbinary; it belongs (really belongs) to a nonbinary trans* person.  my tits are nonbinary (even though i fight with them and may get top surgery).  my body DOES coincide with my gender; they’re both nonbinary.  yet i’m still trans*.

i love the simpler, more inclusive definition of “a trans* person”: someone who was designated the wrong gender at birth.  like, the doctor (or someone) said “it’s a girl/boy!” and they were wrong.  not “born in the wrong body,” which is true of many but not ALL trans* people.  not “someone whose sex and gender don’t match” (again, true of some but not all trans* people).  just someone who was designated the wrong gender at birth (including people who feel they used to be the gender they were designated at birth, but have since experienced a change in gender).

basically, a trans* person is anyone who says they’re trans*.  no questions asked.

how do you define “a trans* person?”

stuff pansexuals need to know

so there are all these pansexuals posting in forums, blogging, and reblogging shit about being pansexual.  rad.  we need pansexual discourse in order build a community; we need to share our stories and we need to learn from each other. thing is, i see a lot of the same oppressive misconceptions making the rounds, so i wrote this post for everybody who’s interested.  if you already know this stuff– plasmic (and you know who you are, i’m sure).  if you disagree with it– let’s discuss it.  if you learn something from it– yay.

so, in no particular order, here’s what i think pansexuals need to know:

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1.  binary trans* people experience binary gender.  this means that trans* women are women and trans* men are men.  end of fucking story.

so don’t say you’re pansexual cuz you’re into “men, women, and trans* people.”  when you say you’re pansexual cuz you’re into “men, women, and trans* people,” it sounds like you don’t think of, say, trans* men as men.  and that’s pretty cissexist.

2.  non-binary trans* people experience non-binary gender.  non-binary trans* people may identify as bigender, agender, neutrois, genderbender, genderfluid, genderfuck, genderqueer, pangender, etc.

go ahead and say you’re pansexual cuz you’re into “men, women, and non-binary trans* people.”  that’s how many people experience pansexuality, along with being into people regardless of their gender (people experience pansexuality in many different ways).

3.  lots of intersex people experience binary gender.  this means that many intersex people are women or men.

so don’t say you’re pansexual cuz you’re into “men, women, and intersex people.”  when you say you’re pansexual cuz you’re into “men, women, and intersex people,” it sounds like you don’t think intersex people can be men or women.

4.  bisexuality is not inherently binarist.  despite the etymology, bisexuality doesn’t erase non-binary people.  sure, there’s a “bi” in “bisexuality”, but there’s also a “pig” in “guinea pig”.  i mean, we call stephen harper “the right honorable stephen harper”, for fucks sake.  so can we agree that the english language, though beautiful, is totally cocked up?  hang on to that idea.

also, there is no reason why bisexuals who only experience attraction to people of 2 genders have to experience attraction to men and women. bisexuals experience attraction to people of any 2 genders (or to people of more than 2 genders; more on this later.)

5.  bisexuals can experience attraction to non-binary trans* people. in fact, some bisexuals are nonbinary.  many bisexuals are not only familiar with and comfortable with non-binary trans* people, but are attracted to non-binary trans*people.  the “bi” in “bisexual” doesn’t indicate that bisexuals are only attracted to people of 2 genders.  it certainly doesn’t mean that bisexuals collectively erase non-binary trans* people.  in fact, some bisexuals are attracted to people regardless of gender. even when bisexuals experience attraction to people of 2 genders, those 2 genders don’t have to be binary genders.

of course, lots of bisexuals are only attracted to women and men.  let’s not erase them, k?  but don’t call them binarist; it isn’t binarist to only be attracted to people of binary gender.  i mean, you love who you love, right?  and you wanna fuck who you wanna fuck.

so, yeah, bisexuality and pansexuality often look (and possibly feel) exactly the same.  and it doesn’t fucking matter.

don’t just take my word for it; check out #15 for links to posts from the bi pov.

6.  everybody loves who they love.  heterosexuals do it, homosexuals do it, demisexuals do it, bisexuals do it, romantic asexuals do it– everybody does it.  we all love who we love.  so don’t try to explain pansexuality by saying, “i love who i love.”  i mean, i hope you don’t think that everybody else loves who they hate, cuz that’d be fucked.

7.  everybody loves people.  explaining pansexuality by saying “i love people” just licks.  that’s like saying that everybody else doesn’t love people.  they love, i dunno, juice.  or maybe finger paints (i do!).  so “i love people” DOES NOT explain pansexuality.  “i love people” just means you’re not a total zoophile and is not a stand-alone definition of pansexuality.

however, if “i love people, not just girls and/or boys”** is part of how you discuss your pansexuality, i think that’s pretty reasonable (as in, not problematic).  actually, i think that’s rather beautiful.

eta: i just wanna add that part of the problem with “i love people” is that it equates all love with sexual attraction. which is bullshit for obvious reasons.

8.  gender is your internal sense of being female, male, or non-binary.  that’s it.  gender isn’t the same as gender expression.  gender isn’t anatomy, mannerisms, clothing, or sexual orientation.  gender is completely internal.

9.  gender expression is the way you present/communicate/perform your gender.  you can do this with clothing, mannerisms, pronouns, etc.

your gender expression probably matches your gender, insofar as it makes sense to you.  meaning, if you’re a woman and your way of expressing your femininity is to shave your head and go dirt biking– you are expressing your gender.  your gender expression doesn’t have to make sense to other people, but it should feel right to you.

10.  pansexuals can have sexual preferences.  seriously.  for instance, you don’t have to be attracted to all body types equally.  you CAN be attracted to all body types equally, but you can also go ahead and have some physical preferences and still be pansexual.

pansexuality hinges on the capacity to experience attraction to people of all genders (genders are hot!), possibly regardless of gender (people are hot– who cares about gender?).  pansexuality doesn’t hinge on the capacity to experience attraction to all bodies, though it may include it.  there’s a subtle difference there.

that said, many pansexuals experience attraction based entirely on personalities.  such pansexuals often have no physical preferences, though they can still have personality-based sexual preferences.

11.  pansexuality has nothing to with race.  this one fucking makes me delirious.  i haven’t found TOO many pansexuals talking about how their capacity to be attracted to people of all races makes them pansexual, but they’re out there and they’re fucking asshats.

i personally don’t associate race with sexual orientation.  some people have preferences (potentially very racist and shitty if based on stereotypes), but those preferences don’t define anyone’s sexual orientation, imo.  i mean, somebody could have a serious attraction to poc, be totally repulsed by white people, and still be pan.  right?  they could also have some serious racist potential depending on how they handled their attraction to poc, but they could totally be pan.

so, to reiterate, pansexuality hinges on the capacity to experience attraction to people of all genders, possibly regardless of gender.  don’t fucking bring race into it.

12.  lots of trans* people are not ok with being called “transgenders”.  a few trans people like the word, but lots of us think “transgenders” sounds rude.  you need to be aware of that when you’re slinging “transgenders” all over the internet.

if you want to call yourself “a transgender”– go ahead.  that’s cool.  just don’t apply “transgenders” to trans* people you don’t know unless you’re hoping to offend people.

i was going to try to explain the problem with “transgender” being used as a noun, but then i found this rad article.  i don’t have the excellent brain-fish required to explain this issue as explicitly as the article does, so just read it.

13.  [TW: slur, violence, transmisogyny] “tr*nny” is a hate word.  it’s a violent word.  it’s a word you write on somebody’s face after you’ve beaten and possibly killed them.

hate words belong to the people they oppress.  this hate word is USUALLY used in attacks against trans* women and other dmab trans* folks.  so it’s their word.  they get to reclaim it or ditch it or whatever they fucking want– but you don’t get to help reclaim it unless you’re a dmab trans* person.  attempting to “reclaim” a word that wasn’t yours in the first place is simple appropriation.

for instance, i’m a non-binary trans* person.  in the past, i’ve been visibly trans*, but i’ve never been called a “tr*nny”.  if someone were to call me a “tr*nny,” it would be a transmisogynistic reference to dmab trans* people and it still wouldn’t be my fucking word.

14.  (trans*/cis) women and (trans*/cis) men experience binary gender.  everybody else experiences non-binary gender, excepting people who don’t experience gender at all.  the gender binary is a gender system including only men/boys and women/girls as mutually exclusive categories.  cis people identify with the gender they were assigned at birth.  trans* people don’t identify with the gender they were assigned at birth.  some trans* people experience fluid gender identification.  this is fucking important.  pansexuality specifically includes attraction to people existing outside the gender binary.  you need to understand these phrases: “binary gender,” “non-binary gender,” “gender binary,” “cis”, and “trans*” if you’re going to talk/write about pansexuality.

15.  you need to do some fucking research.  if you’ve already done some research, do some more research.  if you haven’t done any research, fucking get to it; now’s the time.  there’s no such thing as too much research and this shit is important.

for the pan pov, check out i can’t even get angry at people who hate pansexuals just for being pansexual, pansexuality test, 10 panphobic myths, fuck NO, pan problems, and what does it mean to be pansexual? (yes. some of those links are to my own posts.)

for non-pansexual pov’s, check out these links: why i identify as bisexual and not pansexual, the “two” in “bisexual”, my evolving definition of my bisexuality, bisexuality, binarism and why everyone has it wrong (contradicts my point about bisexuality not being inherently binarist and i totally disagree with it, but i’m including it so this isn’t too one-sided), an excellent rebuttal to that last link, and pansexuality: a hidden gender binary buster.

also, q&a: bisexuality vs pansexuality is pretty informative.

**thanks, selena!

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so, peoples, thoughts?  do you already know this shit?  do you disagree with this shit?  do you have any links to add to point #15?  anything to add to this article?  this is an important conversation, peoples; i’d love to talk about it further.  i’m also interested in links to informed pansexual writings.


reader question: how do you know your gender is non-binary?

a reader messaged me with questions– and i’m flattered.  thank you for asking!  i’m also very anxious to be helpful– and i hope other people will add their own advice in the comment section.  cuz i’m prone to talking about, say, finger paints and space ninjas instead of the topic at hand (look! a t-rex reclining in a tutu!).  so here it is:

“I’ve been struggling with my gender alot lately and I don’t know who I am anymore.  Can gender change?  If somebody thinks they’re a guy can they change their mind and realize they’re non-binary?  How do you KNOW? How did YOU know?  Thanx.”

first of all, gender can and does change.  many people experience their gender as fluid, fluctuating (ir)regularly throughout their lives.  other people experience a slow shift from one gender to another and don’t realize they’re trans* until later in life.  in other cases, someone’s understanding of their gender is dynamic even while their gender itself is relatively static.  people experience gender in many ways– and some people don’t experience gender at all.  there is no wrong way of “doing” your gender.

still think it’s silly to change your mind about your gender? refer to #3 of the gender bill of rights.  you have rights, my friend.  neat, yeah?

“How do you KNOW?  How did YOU know?”

i can only speak for myself, so i’ll tell you a bit of my own history.  i knew my gender as a toddler in the same way that most toddlers know their gender.  at first, i didn’t get that everyone around me was male or female.  i didn’t know words like “transgender” and “cisgender”.  i didn’t know about the gender binary.  but i knew i wasn’t a girl or a boy.

i slowly realized that the other kids were all girls or boys, but i was still completely open about my non-binary gender.  i still thought i wasn’t allowed in gendered bathrooms.  i still thought i wasn’t allowed to wear/do/play with “girl things” or “boy things”.  i didn’t even realize that the world considered my gender invalid until i was 8-ish years old.

my mom, my teachers, my grandparents told me to stop being silly– everyone had to be a girl or a boy.  my dad took it upon himself to teach me that women can be/do ANYTHING they want.  my elementary school teachers started making sure that i didn’t sneak off to piss outside and they escorted me into the girls’ bathroom on many occasions.

i shut up about my gender for a few years.  i tried to be a girl– not by wearing dresses and behaving in a stereotypically feminine way, but by allowing people to call me a girl, a daughter, a sister.  then i tried to be a boy.  then a girl. then a boy.

honestly, i think i sorta buried what i knew.  i spent years believing i was a girl before i started wondering if i might be a boy.  when you think about it, it’s pretty fucked up that i forgot myself so completely.  it’s no wonder i was confused, though; it’s not like society admits that trans* people exist and that nonbinary gender is a thing.

finally, i said, “fuck it!  i told all these assholes the truth when i was in preschool– why am i still trying to change for them?!”  i began to gravitate towards openness– a slow process.  i still have to come out on a regular basis.  i get misgendered every day and sometimes i have to roll with it.  but mostly, i am open about my gender and that’s fucking splendid.

my story is just one story of many; there are tons of ways to experience/understand/become open about your gender.  having known my gender as a kid DOES NOT make my gender more/less valid than anyone else’s gender.  likewise, having forgotten/buried my gender doesn’t make my gender less valid than anyone else’s gender.  i hope other readers will share their own experiences and their thoughts.  i think the most valuable answer to your question (“[h]ow do you KNOW?”) will contain numerous answers from numerous people.

so keep an eye on the comment section.  and seriously, be yourself, whoever that might be.  be open-minded/hearted and feel free to check out my blogroll; there’s good stuff there and reading is always a good thing.  i hope that helps!  and thanks again for asking stuff!

my gender has always been non-binary (i think)

so i commented on does identifying as outside the gender binary help eliminate gender? at feminism: the liberation movement of womyn.  all quotes are from that post.  here’s my comment (with some revision and much addition):

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my gender is non-binary.  i have always known my gender to be non-binary.  when i started kindergarten, i didn’t use the bathroom for the first few months because i knew i didn’t belong in the girls’ bathroom or in the boys’ bathroom.

i did not take stock of my attributes, hobbies, feelings etc., classify each of them as “female” or “male”, and tally them up.  i am incapable of such tallying because i don’t believe that such traits etc. belong to specific genders.  i didn’t say to myself, “well, i have these “unwomanly” traits– so i must not be a woman!”  that would be ludicrous because women can be anything and there are no such things as “unwomanly” traits (the same is true for all genders).  i know that i’m neither female nor male– and it feels very simple, very natural to me.

“…when [they are] raped, [they] will still be raped as a woman.”  yes, their rapist will no doubt consider them a woman.  i’m not going to argue with that.  however, i don’t think misperception changes reality.  real life story: one time, while raping me, the guy told me i wasn’t human.  that i was “garbage”.  so, really, he raped me “as inhuman garbage.”  allow me to assure you that i am, in fact, a valuable human being; my rapist’s opinion of me has no bearing whatsoever on who/what i actually am.  perception can be very powerful, but the truth is still valuable.  [edit: i now understand the author’s point better than i did when i wrote this post.  she was writing about gender being composed entirely of power relations, so i kinda missed the point.]

“does identifying as outside the gender binary help eliminate gender?”  i don’t really think so.  to begin with, i don’t “identify” as non-binary any more than a cis man “identifies” as a man.  i no longer use the word “identify” to describe gender because it undermines the validity of said gender.

furthermore, nobody is their gender in order to accomplish something.  gender is not a means to an end, but a simple (ok, a complex) fact.  being open about non-binary gender is not going to change the world by itself.  i think it’s important to actually fight gender-based oppression; this leaves room for non-binary gender, relieves people of all genders from gender stereotypes and expectations, and combats gender-based power relations.

this is not a fad and this is not speshul snowflake syndrome; this is my life.  being open about my non-binary gender doesn’t get me “out of the position of fuck-object”; it certainly doesn’t protect me from rape.  that’s ok because i’m open about my gender in order to be honest– not in order to “get out of the position of fuck-object”.  being open about my gender doesn’t make me “feel empowered”; it makes me feel like i’m not lying.  it makes me feel like i can form real, truth-based connections with other people.

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i didn’t know what to call this post.  at first, i called it “come one people, be people now!”  you know.  in reference to south park.  now i’m renaming it several days later because i don’t like the original title– not because i have a better idea.  is that weird of me?

lemme know if you can one-up this new title, please.  cuz i’m funny about titles.

open letter to transphobic cis people

angry/transphobic binary cis people,

if you know non-binary trans people exist, you may think we are weird/gross/delusional.  you may think that non-binary trans people are unnatural– constructed/synthesized/wrong.  you probably can’t imagine being trans, can’t imagine feeling that your body doesn’t always belong to you.  you probably don’t know what it’s like to experience something like motion sickness because too many people think you’re something you’re not.  maybe you’ve never attempted/considered suicide because you knew that you couldn’t do it anymore– the lies were chewing you up with their yellow teeth while the people around you smiled whitely.

know what?  i can’t imagine being a binary cis person; i’ve never been a binary cis person.  i don’t know what it’s like to have my gender appear on my passport/my birth certificate/application forms.  i’ve never seen a movie featuring characters of my (non-binary) gender.  there are no bathrooms/change rooms for people of my gender and i can’t imagine knowing what bathroom/change room to choose.  i don’t know what it would be like to be proud of my assumed reproductive capabilities instead of being revolted by them.

i can’t imagine being you, but i believe that you are fucking real.  seriously.  i believe that you are who and what you say you are– i have nothing to go on but your word and i might as well take it.  i believe that you, like me, sleep/love/fail/fuck/shit/eat/strive/change/win/die and that you deserve respect.

i also know that i am fucking real and that transness feels pretty natural to me.  my word is all you have to go on; why not just take it?  whose word would you take instead?

if you have anything to say about this, write me a letter.  i want to know you with all my bones.

sincerely, mx. punk

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k, you can tell me what you think even if you aren’t an angry, transphobic cis person.  i think cis people probably DO experience a lot of the same things (non-binary and binary) trans people experience– tell me about it.  let’s confabulate, peoples.

i don’t believe in sex

(this post is where i think about stuff asher wrote: not your mom’s trans 101.  go there.)

it’s true.  i no longer believe in sex.  allow me to explicate.

i still believe in the rough/sweet noisy/muffled wet act of sex– just not the concept of sex as opposed to gender.  see, i used to say shit like “gender is between you ears and sex is between your legs”, “sex is physical, gender is emotional/social”.  i used to try to carefully untangle these two closely related ideas.  i used to say that my gender was “other” and that my sex was “female” as an easy way to explain my transness– but no more.

my body belongs to me, lovelies.  i do not belong to my body.  i am not a woman, so this body can’t be a “woman’s” body.  it’s my body.  this body is a non-binary trans person’s body.

our bodies do not come with words attached to them; we attach words to our bodies.  we attach the word “female” and all its connotations to tits and pussies.  we attach the word “male” and all its connotations to cocks and balls.  even when we expand the word “sex” to include our voices, our hairiness, our various dimensions and textures– we are still attaching concepts to our concrete bodies.  sex is not separate from gender.  rather, sex is gender attached to bodies.

if sex were only about bodies, not the gender of bodies but the physical characteristics of bodies, cis women who have had hysterectomies would not be women.  men with tiny dicks would not be men.  if sex were only about what bodies look like, doctors/nurses wouldn’t pronounce a newborn a “boy” or a “girl” based on its genitals and parents wouldn’t assume their babies’ genders based on their genitals.  sex isn’t about facts, lovelies.

sex isn’t about pussies and cocks, who has what and all those gossipy-juicies.  sex is not about what part you play in reproduction– we aren’t as straight-forward as flowers.  not everyone who is assigned a binary gender (male or female) even takes part in reproduction.  some people/couples are infertile with or without medical intervention.  some people choose to remain childfree.  some intersex people entirely defy classification based on their reproductive organs.  some people “get fixed” and others get cancer and have hysterectomies.  sex has little to do with procreation.

sex is about OTHERING people, dehumanizing people, categorizing people.  sex is about being othered, being dehumanized, being categorized.  sex is not about facts.  sex is about saying, “we are this and they are that“.

for the above reasons, sex is not simple, peoples.  it’s not an easy way of dividing humans into 2 groups for categorization purposes.  i don’t get why people think it’s ok to dumb down this complex and personal issue.  sure, lotsa people fit neatly in the gender/sex binary; most people are neither intersex nor trans.  but that doesn’t mean humanity fits the gender/sex binary.  humanity doesn’t look like this:

and this isn’t cute, by the way.  the plug and outlet joke is not cute.  reducing humanity to pussies and cocks is not fucking cute.  it erases trans people (op and non-op), intersex people, and anyone who considers themselves a person as opposed to a reproductive system.  i don’t know about you, but i don’t tend to think of women as pussies and men as cocks.  aside from being disrespectful, it’s simply fallacious.  i tend to think of people as, well, uh, people:


i don’t think sex is a meaningful concept.  if my gender is non-binary, then my sex must also be non-binary because sex is body-gender.  so why bother?  why not just call myself “non-binary” and move on?

i don’t think making a distinction between sex and gender is very helpful.  yes, it helps trans people explain their transness to cis people (“i’m a man born in a woman’s body”).  and yes, it helps parents decide what color to paint their babies’ rooms (based on their babies’ genitalia).

but wouldn’t it be MORE helpful if we stopped simplifying things and we started sharing our experiences and ideas without editing them first?  our discourses would become increasingly involved and reciprocal, enriching our understanding of human diversity.

and why not admit that clits don’t like pink, penises don’t like blue?  your baby’s genitals don’t care what color the bedroom walls are.  why not wait til your kid is old enough to declare their gender themselves?  just paint your kid’s room your favorite fucking color–   bedroom walls shouldn’t have anything to do with genitalia.

unless you’re talking about a vertical sex move.

*   *   *

so tell me how you feel about this, peoples.  is the concept of sex valuable?  is sex simply anatomical configuration– or is it body-gender?  the perceived difference between gender and sex is important to manymany people, so this is an important discussion.

i’m not saying that i don’t think you should make a distinction between gender and sex, by the way.  i understand and respect that some trans people specifically state that their sex and gender don’t coincide.  i’m just saying that i don’t make a distinction between my gender and my sex.

*   *   *

i would like to assert that i DO NOT advocate pretending that your body has different medical needs than it truly does.  get your mammograms, prostate checks, pap smears etc. as needed!

australia is less transphobic than, like, everybody

so we all know that australia passports now come with a third gender/sex option, right?  the gender/sex markers are “f”, “m”, and “x”.  well, that piques my curiosity; i’m so used to having my gender invalidated by the people around me that i’ve come to EXPECT it.  so i checked out the passport australia website and i found it a little ambiguous.  for example:

“A letter from a medical practitioner certifying that the person has had, or is receiving, appropriate clinical treatment for gender transition to a new gender, or that they are intersex and do not identify with the sex assigned to them at birth, is acceptable.”

what constitutes “appropriate clinical treatment”?  if your transition involves surgery and/or hormones, ok.  that’s “clinical treatment”.  but what about someone whose transition is largely social/emotional?

and where is the assurance that the australian passport peoples recognize non-binary gender?  cuz where i live,  most people don’t.  when i come out as non-binary trans, most people call me a pervert and walk away.  sometimes, they tell me i’m not “trans enough” and walk away.

so i emailed a request for clarification on the perquisites for obtaining an “x” gender/sex marker in australia.  i received this email from a veryvery prompt and helpful person with australia’s department of foreign affairs and trade:

“Dear mx. punk,

“The letter from the registered medical practitioner needs to state that
he/she has a doctor/patient relationship with the applicant and has treated
the applicant (or whose medical history I have reviewed and evaluated) and
declare that the applicant identifies as Male, Female or Indeterminate.
The doctor does not have to provide details of the treatment, but they do
need to be registered with the Medical Board of Australia.


that pretty much clears it up for me.  i mean, “indeterminate” is NOT how i would choose to describe myself, but it’s close enough.  i’ll take it like i’ll take your fingerpaints if you leave them unattended.  i mean, at least it isn’t “male” or “female”.  and i fucking love fingerpaints.

so, um, now i want to move to australia.  i’m totally willing to relocate to another continent in order to gain legal recognition as a person of non-binary gender.  fuck yes.

what about you?  do you think having a third gender/sex option is awesome?  would you move somewhere in order to obtain an “x” gender/sex marker?  do you think the concept will SPREAD?!  cuz that would be corking.