“People treating me like an alien is one thing, but treating me normal and still making me feel like an alien is depressing as hell.” —alexthesane (read original post)
when someone calls you a pervert because they think you’re in the wrong bathroom, you get to make the next move and serve up some enlightenment. you get to be like, “actually, cat, it’s like this…”
when someone knows that you’re trans and they’re not diggin’ it, you get to have a sweet little heart-to-squishy-heart and figure it out. even if it goes badly, well, maybe they’ll come ‘round one day as long as you’re polite about it.
when someone is treating you like an alien, you get to make a move, right?
but what about when you’re surrounded by people who think you’re a man? or a woman? like alexthesane, i totally think that’s worse than being treated like an alien by someone you’ve already come out to.
when some waiter gives you the pink mug cuz you have tits and gives your tit-less partner the blue mug (a pattern you notice throughout the room)— ew. the waiter walks away and you don’t want to make a scene or leave a smaller tip because the waiter had no way of knowing that you wouldn’t be ok with his and hers mugs.
when a customer at my workplace (kids’ retail) refers to the shark board game they’re buying as a “boys’ game”, it’s not really ok for me to call them on it. i mean, they just want to buy a toy for their kid, not hear about gender stereotypes as social constructs. it’s a little thing, but it makes me crazy. it makes me feel like i’m not really standing up for myself and it makes me feel guilty, like i’m admitting that the gender binary is the great i am.
these little things are neon-lame because they’re based on the assumption that i’m a hetero cis person, but they’re so trivial that i can’t stand up for myself without going overboard. bigger things are also based on the assumption that i’m a hetero cis person, but they’re so big that they leave room for me to protest.
i used to be more shy about coming out on the fly (middle of a conversation about, say, fair trade chocolate) than i am these days. i’m pretty much erring on the side of weirdness/interruptiveness/outness.
like, when someone calls me a young lady or girl or whatever, i often just crash in with “ima’notta girl!” or “no gendered pronouns, please!” stranger, teacher, friend— they all get interrupted when they apply the wrong pronouns to me or something. and then the conversation is totally destroyed and the person totally thinks i’m rude for interrupting— and insane for fucking with their world-view. i always end up worrying that they don’t give a shit about my gender identity and that it’s silly of me to impose on them. which is still more fun than quietly keeping myself in the closet.
except for sometimes, like at work. i don’t wanna get fired for weirding everybody out.
i wouldn’t rather be treated like an alien than like a woman or a man because i think aliens are superior to men and women, although i would love to have tentacles. it’s just that i feel like i need to do my part to spread my truth around. if i come out and people treat me like an alien because of it, well, i tried. but if i don’t even try, i’m not doing myself (or other non-binary people) any favors.
what do you people think? what do you do when someone makes some totally casual and innocent remark that implies you don’t exist? do you risk derailing the conversation by coming out? do you let it glide away?